A ‘Cork-First’ Emissions Policy

In a move that has baffled environmental scientists but delighted locals, the protestors have proposed a new climate strategy: The Tanora Offset. Under this plan, any carbon emissions produced by Cork livestock will be legally cancelled out by the fact that the cows are “technically better than cows from Kerry.”

“It’s about regional superiority,” explained one protester. “A Cork cow’s burp actually contains 15% more culture and hurling ability than a cow from anywhere else. Therefore, the atmosphere should be grateful to have it.